In light of George Floyd’s death on May 25, 2020 and the subsequent protests and unrest, I began a series of conversations called Race in America. The response has been pretty amazing. Most of it extremely positive and some not so much. All of it has been helpful in giving me perspective on where people are coming from and why.

The series can be found at this link. It includes conversations I’ve had with my black friends and co-workers, a conversation with our local Police Chief and one of the organizers of a Black Live Matter rally in our town. The latest one was with two pastors I know, one white and one black.

Free-dom/’frēdəm

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

Freedom

When I was younger I didn’t want anyone telling me what to do. I was independent, proud, and wanted to do my own thing. I felt that when people told me what to do, they were demeaning me as a person. Somehow their guidance and advice seemed like limitations on my freedom. After a lot of mistakes, blunders, unnecessary hurt feelings, people leaving and my wife feeling like I was doing my own thing, I deduced that unrestrained freedom isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 

The unhealthy freedom I had been living in, led to unnecessary mistakes; where people were hurt and wounded by decisions I made out of my own wisdom. It created scenarios where it was all about me. In other words, whether something succeeded or failed, I was the epicenter of people’s attention. 

When things were going good it was great for me! The only problem was that there were other people working hard, just like me, who didn’t get the attention they deserved. More importantly God wasn’t getting the credit he deserved. 

Conversely, when things went poorly, I became the touch point for people’s pain. 

Either way, it was too much for any one person to carry. 

I’ve learned that Lone Ranger leadership is NEVER healthy. It’s not healthy for the organization, the team, or the leader. And it certainly doesn’t bring honor to God. 

In John 6:38 Jesus says – For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but to do the will of Him who sent Me.

If the son of God needed authority and accountability in his life, how much more do you and I?

2 thoughts that could make you a better leader and make your life better too…

1. Authority

Just like Jesus needed authority in his life, we need authority in ours. God’s authority always includes people. If I’m not submitted to a person, I’m probably not submitted to God. Our tendency toward independence has caused us to live and lead in isolation. Sure, you’ve got a team, but do they have any teeth? Do you have the ability, through force of will or loopholes to do your own thing? Is there a person in your life, outside of a spouse, who is regularly calling you to account, asking the tough questions, and knows your weaknesses? Do they know you are submitted to them?  If you haven’t made it clear in the last six months, they probably aren’t sure. 

2. Re-center

One day my wife said, “I need more of you.” I thought to myself, “More of me? I’m providing for the family and loving the kids, what more do you want?”

What she wanted was to partner with me. She wanted me to open myself up to her in fresh ways and feel like she’s not just another employee, but that we are in this together. I had to re-center on my marriage and to get there I needed to re-center on God. I had to stop making everything about me. The sooner we learn as leaders that whatever we are doing is not ultimately about us, the better off we will be. Why? Because when God is the center of it all, I can literally lean on him to sustain whatever I’m doing. I have a part to play and I need to do my best but at the end of the day, I’m simply following his lead. The results are his to manage.

When I was a young leader I went to work at an organization I had known and loved for years. In fact, the leader had mentored me in my high school years. I was so excited about this new opportunity and couldn’t have been more expectant for the great things That were about to happen. I was convinced that this would be a step toward bigger and better opportunities for me.

Dazed and confused

I certainly didn’t expect the buzz saw I ran into on day one. I got to my office early and quickly realized I had been unconsciously incompetent. In other words, I got to work and it dawned on me I had no idea how to do this job. What was worse, I couldn’t get my former mentor and now, new boss, to tell me what I was supposed to be doing. In addition, that first day, it became clear that the relationship had changed. He was no longer a mentor and friend but a boss. In the coming months, our communication stagnated and the only way he would initiate conversation with me was by email. I was dazed and confused. There was passive aggressive behavior that confounded me and often I had to choose the truth in the face of pressure to conform to manipulation.

Dysfunctional team dynamics

In my new position I was asked to be part of the senior leadership team. It was an honor to be asked and I was hopeful, as I said yes, that this would mean better relationship with my boss and his team. After attending a few of the weekly meetings it became apparent that this team was as dysfunctional as our office staff. The team would try to give input, counsel, or provide accountability for initiatives that had been promised but not yet accomplished. The leader would nod his head yes and give no specifics. Everyone around the table knew that meant nothing was going to change. When these awkward moments came everyone would just look down at their shoes until someone changed the subject. It wasn’t until I read Patrick Lenconni’s book, The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team, that I realized just how dysfunctional this team really was.

I could tell many more stories about this situation but I’ll save those for another day. In short, I was faced day after day in that job with the option of living in relational integrity or surrendering to the unhealthy organizational culture I felt stuck in. Most days I chose well but some days I didn’t.

Here’s what I learned in my 3.5 years in that role.

• Never ever give up on your ideals

No matter what anyone else does, hold true to who you are. The ideals in you, are based on God-given values. When you let go of your ideals you become a shell of the person you and God want you to be.

• You are not a victim

Sometimes we are victimized but we don’t have to be victims. Victims are powerless, you are not. Powerful people recognize they have choices and they steward that responsibility. You are the manager of your life, so regardless of what others do, choose wisely.

• Think about the story you want to tell

Whenever I’m faced with difficult decisions of integrity, I try to think about the story I want to be able to tell my wife, my kids, and my grandkids. When I do that, the decision that seemed so unclear quickly becomes abundantly clear. Not easy but clear.

• Remember, people are watching you

There were people on that leadership team who watched me make really tough decisions that cost me equity with my boss over and over again. Later, one of those guys became a key player in the endeavor I started and still lead today. He’s still with me and we are still making tough decisions that we love telling our grandkids about.

• Bitterness will destroy you

After about 2 years in that role I got so upset I started saying negative things about this leader to some friends of mine. I just felt I had had enough and needed to vent. But bitterness doesn’t make you better. It’s like cancer that eats you up from the inside out. Someone has said, it’s like drinking poison and expecting it to kill your enemy. I realized I had to forgive because I was becoming someone I didn’t want to be. I was grumpy with my wife, short with my kids and thinking about this stuff all the time. I asked God for his grace and he gave me the strength I needed to forgive this guy. Here’s what’s amazing – I actually began to feel compassion for him. I started learning things I was missing and was able to, for the most part, enjoy my last year and a half working there.

When you hold true to your ideals, the process may be difficult but the story becomes an opportunity for growth and transformation for you and others who are watching.

I was eating dinner a few months ago at my friend Ned Berube’s house. He and his wife Sue are dear friends to Susan and I. We just absolutely love hanging out with them. They live in St. Paul, Minnesota, so we don’t see them much in person.  Our son and daughter-in-law have moved to the Twin Cities, so thankfully, this creates more opportunity to spend time with them.

During dinner, our friend Ben Metz asked Ned and me a great question,  “What if you only had a few minutes to live, and you could only give one leadership lesson to the next generation, what would you say?”

Ned answered first, and wryly said, “Do good!”

We laughed which gave me a few moments to think about what I really wanted to say. I quickly realized I should just share out of what I’ve done rather than try to think of some witty leadership principle.

My answer was simple, “Empower people before they are qualified and before they are ready.”

We spent the rest of the evening unpacking that, and I thought I would share some of it here.

When I was a young leader, I was asked to develop a small group structure in the church where I was working. I immediately began to talk to my peers about leading a small group, and their enthusiasm was palpable. They were so excited that someone had noticed them. They were ready to go, and their participation would double the number of groups we currently had. Naively, I excitedly took my list into a meeting with my boss. I thought for sure he would be excited and thrilled to see all these young leaders willing to step up.

He wasn’t.

As I went through my list and showed him one name at a time, he responded with – “Too young”. Then – “Too immature.” “Too many issues.” Too too too…

Basically, everyone on my list was unqualified. The more we talked, it became abundantly clear that he really didn’t have any specific criteria except his own perception of these potential young leaders. The truth is, they were raw and unskilled in many ways. They were also passionate and wanted to learn and grow. There was no question they would need ongoing training and investment along the way-  which I was more than willing to give.

 As a young leader, I remember thinking any qualifications for leadership were pretty silly. I thought, “To me, it seems simple: If God calls you, then lead.” 

 I still don’t feel like most people’s lists for qualifying leaders are very helpful. For example, in my world, the criteria for people in ministry are often things like ordination, education, age, or experience.  None of these were the criteria Jesus used for the people he left in charge of the future of the world.  Instead, he chose people who were uneducated and very young. Their only qualification, if you will, was that they had been with Jesus.

Ned asked what my criteria are for people to be able to lead, and I said, “I have two: passion and teachability.”

Passion

Without passion, nobody is going to follow you anyway. People don’t follow your diplomas or how much you know. Passion is what moves people to action. Emotion creates motion. I want leaders who are passionate for Jesus and will follow him to the ends of the Earth. The famous explorer and missionary, David Livingstone, was once asked by a mission’s society to send a map, so that they could provide a good road for their men to reach him. Livingstone responded with this…

 “If you have men who will only come if they know there is a good road, I don’t want them. I want men who will come if there is no road at all.”

Teachability

Passion without teachability is like zeal without knowledge. It leads to disaster.

Teachability says – I realize I don’t know everything, and I need to learn and grow.

A teachable heart allows my passion to be focused and effective. Teachability is not just a recognition that I need more knowledge. Information is helpful, but it’s not enough. If information alone was the answer, then the world would be amazing, and all the smart people would be the nicest people. We also need to be willing to learn how to relate well with others. The currency of leadership is trust and the key to trust is relationship. As leadership guru John Maxwell says,

 “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Next time you are looking for a good leader, just start scouring your organization for the passionate and the teachable. They may not be very shiny, and they may not have all the right degrees on their wall… but trust me, these people have the potential to change the world!